Grab your windex

Tonight I was getting ready to pray and I reached under my bedside table to grab my Bible and my journal and behind those things, and the many books I'm either in the middle of reading or longing to read, was a packet I had put together a couple of months ago. I had searched for verses that I needed at the time, promises that I needed to speak over my life. I had printed it out and stapled it together and was really excited about it. Well, tonight I picked it up and as I went to turn the page I felt this dusty film on top of it. I didn't realize I had left it alone long enough to gather dust. Everything else was the same. Nothing had changed. The verses were all still there. They all meant the same thing they meant a few months ago and even when they were first ever written. The only thing that was different was the result of my neglect. Romans 4:21 says, "Yet he (Abraham) did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised." In the verses preceding this one it talks about the things Abraham had to face. In verse 19 it says, "he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead-since he was about a hundred years old- and that Sarah's womb was also dead." Don't you think Abraham had to wipe the dust off of God's promise for his life? He had to look at who he was, what was and wasn't happening, the facts... and see underneath all of that dust to who God was, what God was capable of, and most importantly what God had promised to him. God is not the one who changes. We are the ones who change. It is not God's promises that change, fade, or disappear, but our perception of them. Some of us, me definitely included, need to wipe the dust off of words spoken to us, promises made, scriptures that speak to our situation, and believe that God has the power to do what he promised.

it's just gotta go

Since I should be in bed sleeping right now, I thought it would be a great time to blog. I wish I would have great ideas at a different time of the day, but late at night is the usually the only time I get to sit and do nothing. And then I start to think, and then it's all over. So here I am.
I am on an interesting journey right now in this season of my life. Having lived my life as a major people- pleaser, I want to do everything I can to make sure everyone is happy and that I do everything right. No conflict, no mistakes... the life of a perfectionist. And honestly, it's so tiring. I don't mean irritating or frustrating, I mean really exhausting. It takes a toll on someone mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically to live like that. And it was only a matter of time before Jesus decided that it just had to go. You know, you live your entire life a certain way just thinking that's who you are and that you're great that way, and then one day you have a face-to-face Daddy talk and God just says, nope, that's gotta go. We never arrive. I constantly find myself in those moments where I realize something else that just needs to go. And so I'm on this journey of pleasing God, rather than others, and looking to him for strength rather than trying so hard on my own. And there's so much freedom in that, really. I always end up referencing a movie scene in the middle of spiritual moments. Maybe a fault of mine, but I do it anyways. I was watching Bride Wars, which I found in the $5 movie bin at WalMart. I was really excited about it and I didn't even have to crawl in there to find it, it was actually on top. Incredible! Anyways, these 2 brides are duking it out because their weddings get booked on the same day at the same venue. They are sabotaging hair appointments, spray tanning sessions, etc. And the most amazing scene to me is when Kate Hudson's character is lying in bed and she starts to cry and admits that her best friend is right about her, that it is exhausting trying to be so perfect all the time. And in her moment of realizing that she doesn't have to be perfect all the time comes this raw moment of weakness that in turn brings about beautiful change in her life. So this is not an easy journey, no. And it's not really fun. But I need to journey this one. It's humbling to live in freedom because freedom exposes weakness. And it's painful to let someone down because you just can't do it all without breaking. But this journey is GOOD and NECESSARY. You're going to forget someone's birthday, it's just going to happen. You're going to spill a full drink in your lap, trip in front of everyone, talk out of turn, hurt someone's feelings, and say something you shouldn't say. You're not going to get invited to everything, be best buds with everyone or earn everyone's affections and praise. It's just not possible.
2 Timothy 2:15 says, "Do your BEST to present yourself to GOD as one approved." I am so glad that God does not expect me to win everyone's heart or be a superhero who does everything right. It's so freeing to realize that we've already won his heart, and everything from here on out is simply doing our BEST for HIM!

hear what's not being said

I get to meet new people... a lot. I was good at remembering names at one point in my life, but not anymore. Nope. It's not because each person I meet is not extremely awesome, it's just too much for my brain. Meeting new people is usually really fun. There's always the possibility that something disasterous could happen, but usually I find it pretty entertaining. Whatever the case, I can always learn something if I just take the time to listen and respond appropriately. (Emphasis on the word appropiately- hehe!) And learning about the other person is really important for a good relationship. Well, recently I was having a first-time convo with someone I had just met. And within 5 minutes of listening, I knew what I can imagine was every accomplishment of their life and everything they were really awesome at. I don't know if you've ever found yourself in that kind of situation before, but usually for me, it's not pretty. Normally, I probably would've taken that as a challenge and found a way to interject why I was equally awesome, or I would've avoided the whole situation and pretended like I had to potty. Sometimes I just throw it out there, and sometimes I completely avoid the whole thing. You never really know which one it's going to be. But this time something different happened. I was totally shocked and think that the angel of the Lord must have slapped some duct tape on my mouth so I couldn't speak, and glued my feet to the floor so I couldn't make a quick escape to the bathroom with my fake potty emergency. I just listened. And listened. And nodded. And listened. And as I listened Jesus showed me something really cool. He showed me that when people really believe they are awesome, they are less likely to seek affirmation from others by being loud about how great they are. This person didn't know they were awesome. What looked like bragging was really a cry for help. Tears late at night when no one is around is interpreted totally different in public. I found myself in the position to be the one that would let her know how incredible and irreplaceable she is. So, that's what I did. Oh wow. How awesome. You are amazing. And it wasn't fake either. It was a real Jesus moment. Now, as I stated earlier, this was not the normal response for that kind of conversation, so please understand my heart. I'm saying all this as encouragement to see past what is being said, to what need is being covered up, what cry is coming from a deep place that hurts, and responding... appropriately. ;)

Bump, Set, Spike!

I love to watch a good volleyball game. The key word here is watch because to be totally honest, I'm athletically pathetic. So watching is the position I take in the game. And the main reason I love to watch volleyball is for the bump, set, spike. It's almost like this process plays in slow motion for me. Someone is getting set up to score with an amazing "how do they do that" spike. But it's not just the person at the front of the net whose responsible for what just went down. No, every person involved in the process rejoices, hugs, high fives, and does that weird jump on each other thing that girl volleyball teams do, because they know that they each had a part in the beatdown that just happened to the other team. This morning I was reading in Ruth. Oh, how I love the book of Ruth. She is just way too awesome for me. And that's why I love to read about her. She loses her husband, she vows to follow her mother-in-law wherever she may go, and she decides to follow BEHIND THE SERVANT GIRLS to gather sheaves. Then Boaz notices her, she wins his heart, they get married and live happily ever after. Oh yeah, she is the woman. But something I didn't notice until today is the part that Naomi played in Ruth's story. In Ruth 1:22, you'll notice that Naomi returned to Bethlehem as the barley harvest was beginning, accompanied by Ruth. In other words, where they went and when they went were Naomi's decisions. Ruth was simply following her at this point. Then it just so happens that Boaz, one of Naomi's relatives just so happens to have a field where Ruth just so happens to go glean. Now, I'm not trying to read too much in between the lines here. I know that our steps are ordained by God. But don't you agree that Naomi knew what was going on and had a cheeky smile on her face the whole time, and was nudging Ruth in a certain direction? In Ruth 2:2, Ruth decided to glean in the field to which Naomi replies, "Go ahead, my daughter." Now let me pause for a minute and interject a little 21st century insight. To me this sounds a lot like, "Go ahead and get your man, honey." She is calling Ruth her daughter here, which means that she is caring for her as she would her own daughter. And what mother in her right mind does not want to set her daughter up with a great man? Let's continue. Ruth gathers more than enough barley and when she shows Naomi, Naomi says, "Where did you glean today? Where did you work? Blessed be the man that took notice of you!" As if she didn't know! What a sneak! Ruth never told Naomi that a man had taken notice and helped her out before this point. I'm thinking that Naomi knew exactly what was going on here. Ruth begins telling her about Boaz... why, I'm not so sure, because Naomi probably already knew everything she was going to say anyways... and when she does, Naomi says in verse 20, "That man is our close relative; he is one of our guardian-redeemers." Oh, really, Naomi? You just realized this? This wasn't your plan allll alllooonngg?? ;) A guadian-redeemer is also called a kinsman redeemer. A kinsman redeemer avenged deaths, claimed inheritances for poor family members, and married the widow of a dead male relative. Ok, I see exactly what is going on here. Naomi then goes on to tell her to stay in that field because she may be harmed in someone elses. A little manipulative, but do you blame her? She is the matchmaker of all matchmakers. If people didn't want to be married any time soon, I'm sure they stayed far away from Naomi. She's a beast when it comes to this stuff. I'm impressed. Then she proceeds to tell her she needs to find a home for Ruth and instructs her in exactly what she should do to win Boaz's heart. Bump, set, spike, Ruth walks right into her destiny. Yes, Ruth is awesome. If Ruth had left Naomi and the other girl had stayed (we don't even remember her name, do we??), someone else could've had her man instead of her. It was through her faithfulness to Naomi that she was blessed like she was. But I would also like to point out that behind every great Ruth is a great Naomi. That woman was setting Ruth up to walk straight into her destiny, and we have the same opportunity to do that for others. It doesn't matter who bumps, who sets, or who spikes, because God's purposes are going to move forward and we can all rejoice in the fact that someone just stepped into their calling. We are going to set someone up to score a point and someone is going to set us up to score a point. But it's all for the Kingdom of God. Different roles, different giftings, different personalities all working together for a common cause, the cause of Christ. Score!

Do today what you want done unto you tomorrow

I had a conversation with a friend recently that has stirred something in me. We were talking about being the new kid. You know, being new to the job, new to your church, new to a neighborhood, or all of the above. Whatever the case, being the newbie is very challenging. You have to meet new friends, you have needs that must be met, you are looking for a listening ear, and at some point you feel all alone. And there are people that embrace you and people that don't. Many times in my life I have been the newbie. Pastoring and developing 6 youth groups over the past 5 years and taking lots of students on missions has called for a lot of first-time experiences, many opportunities for new friendships, some opportunities for new intense conflict, and even one "I don't know how to say this, but why are you here?" And I remember those that embraced me and helped me adapt to my new place. Those people are forever in my heart and I know that God will bless them big-time for the sacrificial kindness shown to me. And then there were some that didn't. I try to think on the ones that did rather than the ones that didn't. Everyone has been there at one time or another. You walk into a room and no one says hello. You sit down by yourself, and no one befriends you. You do something that may be a little different than the way they do, or you say something a little strange by their standards, and you are met by odd glances, silence, and everyone looking for a way to escape! I try very hard to embrace new people, because I remember what it was like so well and I am continually placed in that position. However, I am by no means claiming to be perfect at this and by no means am I claiming to have never neglected an opportunity to be warm and welcoming to someone I did not already know. Just recently I met a young lady in our church 3 times without remembering her. I know how many times, because she told me. I felt awful! It's horrible to feel forgotten. So I'm not writing this to say "I'm great at this and you should be too." I'm writing this to encourage us to look at someone new as if it were us in that position. How would we want to be treated? I encourage you to look back and remember what it was like to be the new person. What words were spoken that still hurt? What neglect did you undergo through that experience? Who embraced you and treated you as though you were the best thing since DVR? And I encourage you to operate from that place. How do you treat the new kids? Do you ignore them? Do you wait for them to prove themselves before you put yourself out there? Do you respond positively to their efforts? Do you think it's not your problem and wait for someone else to do it? Do you just simply not see them because you are too concerned with yourself? Or maybe it is as innocent as being in a rush or having too much on your plate? Some might say, "well, I'm just not good at that." Well, awesome. Let's all not do anything unless we think we're great at it and see how fast we can get nowhere. What we may not realize is that our failure to operate in our weaknesses could have a negative and even detrimental effect on another's life. I know we're not going to be perfect at it and that there will be times when we fall short, but why not try? Just give it a shot. Because you never know how deep your actions and reactions go into another's heart until that very thing happens to you. I don't want to have to wait until it happens to me to realize it was wrong or wait until it's not happening for me to realize it would've been awesome. What about you?

It's OK to be a little bit crazy

Jesus speaks to me in the shower. That may sound weird or a little creepy, especially if you're not so sure about the whole jesus-talks-to-me thing. But he does. And I start thinking and praying, and then a 10 minute shower turns into a 30 minute shower... and then I'm rushing to get out the door... But at least I'm hearing him talk to me, right? Weird or not... creepy or not... I LOVE the times that the Lord drops something on my heart that I just can't shake. Because it was something he thought was important to tell me, and it's something that he will use to teach me, and it's something that will begin to change me, and it's something that I can use to hopefully repeat the process in someone else. There's nothing that compares to a God-revelation. It's like a download. He clicks the button, presses send, and boom, there it is. And a few days ago he started to talk to me about how we live, and how it has sooo much to do with who we trust with our life. You take the medicine your doctor gives you because you trust your doctor. You leave early for work because you trust what the news is saying about the traffic. You lock your door because you trust it's going to stop someone who might want to open it from opening it. There are so many things that we do without even thinking twice, because of who or what we have put our trust in. But when it comes to something that God is asking us to do that is out of our comfort zone or may seem foreign to us, there's a problem. We begin to ask questions. Is this sensible? Will it hurt me? Will I be able to pay the bills? Will I succeed or fail? Will I be in danger? Would other people I know do this? Most of us don't even blink when walking onto an airplane, or getting on a city bus, or paying for something online with our personal credit card. Things that we do everyday that are normal and comfortable for us are easy, because we have come to trust the source. But when God is our source, it's supposed to be different, right? I have trust issues. Straight up. I'm not going to pretend like I don't. With every relationship and every situation, I have to fight through past issues and memories when someone I trusted let me down. And to some extent, I would like to think that we all have those moments. So I understand what it feels like to throw up a red flag when God asks us to do something that seems completely crazy. And the answer we give him and the actions we take have everything to do with how much we trust him. And I want to trust him completely! Every step I take toward what he asks me to do, and every time I say yes to him and his way of life, increases my trust in him. I don't want to live the rest of my life just to wake up one day and realize I trusted the seatbelt in my car and the guy making my burger at McDonald's more than I trusted the sovereign almighty hand of God. Come with me on my journey! Say yes this time... Take a step toward God, rather than away...Do something that challenges those trust issues...
Be a little bit crazy!!!
"Trust the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5-6

Piece by Piece

Getting young kids ready for school in the morning is a TRIP! Seriously! Every morning feels like an episode from The Amazing Race. How fast can you get from destination A to destination B meeting all the requirements and not killing each other?? It's probably not that way for everyone, or for really organized moms... but for me, a live in the moment type of girl, it is a crazy adventure! Now, anyone that knows me knows that I love my kids. I really do. I think they are amazing and it is incredible to see how beautiful and unique they are... And how opposite they are in their morning routine! Zoe sleeps like a rock. Waking up for her is one of the worst things that could ever happen. She moans and groans and pulls the blanket over her head. (I can totally relate!) Getting ready in the morning is a process. A long one. She likes to savor her breakfast. She likes to talk to herself in the mirror and make up songs and tell me about her great day at school the day before while I am trying to get ready. And then there is Rhema. And what is her morning routine, you might ask? The very opposite of her older sister. Rhema is a light sleeper. When morning comes, she knows it. She darts out of bed so fast that she usually falls over because she is just that excited. She immediately begins demanding breakfast. She shoves her breakfast in her mouth as fast as she can and runs to come find me for the next step. Usually the first one ready to go, Rhema will turn on the tv or run around aimlessly until everyone else is ready. And for the past few days she has started something new. She has this great lego set. It comes in this cool bag with a handle on it that she can drag around. And for the past few days, less than 5 minutes before we are ready to walk out the door, she drags that cool bag of legos out into the most inconvenient spot in our "high traffic" area, and dumps it all out. So I'm doing Zoe's hair, I'm grabbing bags and snacks and keys and such, I'm ready to leave and I turn around and go flying because there are legos everywhere. My first reaction is, Rhema, why in the world? We are leaving right now. This is not the time or the place for this. And she just looks up at me in her 2-year-old innocence, with this, "what?" look on her face. She has yet to learn where to play with her things and when to do it. I gave her those legos and I am so happy that she loves them. There is nothing wrong with playing with Legos. The WHAT is not the problem. It's just the WHERE and WHEN that's the issue. Most of the time we know the WHAT, but it's just the WHERE and the WHEN that's causes the big mess. 1 Corinthians 13:9-12 says, "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." See, we only know pieces of the big picture. And putting those pieces together is tricky. And most of the time I feel like I'm carrying around this really cool bag of legos and I'm just not sure what to do next. And when I try to use what God has given me, sometimes I dump it out at the wrong place at the wrong time. And it's because in my imperfections and immaturities, I'm just trying to do my best with what I've got and make something really cool for him. And God in his great love and his endless mercy bends down and helps me pick up the pieces and put them back in the bag. And then he shows me little by little what to do next. And little by little I'm learning where the blocks go and how the pieces fit together. (Can I put major emphasis on the phrase, "little by little"??) In your incredible raw life journey, maybe something you said or did made a huge mess. And you look around and others are tripping over your legos that are spilled all over the kitchen floor. You know what? Pick up the pieces and put them back in the bag and ask the Holy Spirit what to do next. John 16:13 says, "But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and make it known to you." And along your journey, the huge mess that you see will, little by little, become something really, really great.