Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Piece by Piece

Getting young kids ready for school in the morning is a TRIP! Seriously! Every morning feels like an episode from The Amazing Race. How fast can you get from destination A to destination B meeting all the requirements and not killing each other?? It's probably not that way for everyone, or for really organized moms... but for me, a live in the moment type of girl, it is a crazy adventure! Now, anyone that knows me knows that I love my kids. I really do. I think they are amazing and it is incredible to see how beautiful and unique they are... And how opposite they are in their morning routine! Zoe sleeps like a rock. Waking up for her is one of the worst things that could ever happen. She moans and groans and pulls the blanket over her head. (I can totally relate!) Getting ready in the morning is a process. A long one. She likes to savor her breakfast. She likes to talk to herself in the mirror and make up songs and tell me about her great day at school the day before while I am trying to get ready. And then there is Rhema. And what is her morning routine, you might ask? The very opposite of her older sister. Rhema is a light sleeper. When morning comes, she knows it. She darts out of bed so fast that she usually falls over because she is just that excited. She immediately begins demanding breakfast. She shoves her breakfast in her mouth as fast as she can and runs to come find me for the next step. Usually the first one ready to go, Rhema will turn on the tv or run around aimlessly until everyone else is ready. And for the past few days she has started something new. She has this great lego set. It comes in this cool bag with a handle on it that she can drag around. And for the past few days, less than 5 minutes before we are ready to walk out the door, she drags that cool bag of legos out into the most inconvenient spot in our "high traffic" area, and dumps it all out. So I'm doing Zoe's hair, I'm grabbing bags and snacks and keys and such, I'm ready to leave and I turn around and go flying because there are legos everywhere. My first reaction is, Rhema, why in the world? We are leaving right now. This is not the time or the place for this. And she just looks up at me in her 2-year-old innocence, with this, "what?" look on her face. She has yet to learn where to play with her things and when to do it. I gave her those legos and I am so happy that she loves them. There is nothing wrong with playing with Legos. The WHAT is not the problem. It's just the WHERE and WHEN that's the issue. Most of the time we know the WHAT, but it's just the WHERE and the WHEN that's causes the big mess. 1 Corinthians 13:9-12 says, "For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known." See, we only know pieces of the big picture. And putting those pieces together is tricky. And most of the time I feel like I'm carrying around this really cool bag of legos and I'm just not sure what to do next. And when I try to use what God has given me, sometimes I dump it out at the wrong place at the wrong time. And it's because in my imperfections and immaturities, I'm just trying to do my best with what I've got and make something really cool for him. And God in his great love and his endless mercy bends down and helps me pick up the pieces and put them back in the bag. And then he shows me little by little what to do next. And little by little I'm learning where the blocks go and how the pieces fit together. (Can I put major emphasis on the phrase, "little by little"??) In your incredible raw life journey, maybe something you said or did made a huge mess. And you look around and others are tripping over your legos that are spilled all over the kitchen floor. You know what? Pick up the pieces and put them back in the bag and ask the Holy Spirit what to do next. John 16:13 says, "But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. He will bring glory to me by taking from what is mine and make it known to you." And along your journey, the huge mess that you see will, little by little, become something really, really great.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

God-Vision

Do you ever feel like your life is closing in on you? Like a maze that you're going through that someone continues to draw as you trek through totally clueless that the maze you thought would be simple is in fact more complicated than you could have ever thought and may never ever ever end? Well, maybe not, but I definitely do. Wife, mom of 2, full-time minister and leader, support-raising missionary, part-time youth pastor, new job that is increasing in hours, juggling my kids in numerous meetings and dinner appointments, messy messy messy messy apartment that is only clean when someone is "scheduled" to come over... trying to help others reach their goals and dreams without losing myself... and it just keeps going and going and going... sticking my kids in front of the tv to write newsletters, send emails, check budgets.... and on and on and on. And somewhere in the midst of the chaos, having time with Jesus to make sure I'm not spiritually fading away, taking time to date my husband, call my mom, let my big sis know how much I love her, and be a friend to the amazing people around me...
You might be thinking, "Well if you're so busy, how do you have time to write a stupid blog??"
I'm not ranting a list to sound important, because believe me important is not how I usually view myself. And I'm not ranting a list to complain or whine. But I'm attempting to be "authentic" in efforts to relate to so many others who feel the same way I do, like life is not slowing down and not taking no for an answer. And in the midst of us trying our best to live life with no complaints and no regrets, there are so many distractions. And one of the biggest distractions and discouragements for me are facebook statuses. Yes, I said it. You're waiting in line at the bank or on the potty (yes, I said that too) and you begin to scroll through the endless facebook statuses and tweets about everyone's day. And for me it's like reading the paper. It helps me wake up, pass the time in walmart lines, and keep up with people I care about as they too live their busy busy lives. But what we don't realize sometimes is that having everyone's lives (or what they choose to tell you about their lives) at your fingertips is not always healthy. You can easily begin to compare your life to others and feel inadequate, too busy, not busy enough, and simply wanting to kill the whiners. You know, the one's that read, "Just walked around the block and I'm dying!" or "I could use a vacation!!!" when they just had about 10 of them. Now there is nothing wrong with being real or needing a vacation, because we all need to do both in my opinion. But I'm pretty sure that all of us at one time or another have rolled our eyes at someone else because our life if just soooo much harder. Right? Right? Or am I the only one?
And what I'm beginning to realize about the way I see my life and the lives of others is that I see it in Sarah-vision, not God-vision. And if I could see myself and others and the mazes we are all treking through the way God sees it, life could be so much simpler and easier to wrap my mind around. I have a God who gave it all just to be in relationship with me, a Godly man who loves me, 2 healthy and happy kids, amazing pastors who have blessed my socks off and continue to want to do life with me, a crazy amazing group of people who I call church family who want nothing but to know Jesus and make Him famous, a team of young adults on the journey to becoming missionaries who plant churches and change the world, traveling the world with a purpose that is so much bigger than lil'ole me, supporters who believe in us and invest in us to reach the world... and the list goes on and on and on... And isn't this list so much more refreshing than the one I gave earlier? Both lists are very real and very true, but it's the way I view it that makes it what it is. So today, I choose to see my life the way God sees it, with joy, purpose and meaning. And looking forward to the day when I can fully rejoice in our differences, if that day ever comes! :) Join me as I choose to see my life and the lives of others not from my own point of view or my own opinions, but those of our God, the guy who knows and understands everything and sees it for what it really is.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Blog #1!

So I told myself that I would never blog, but I'm blogging. You would think I would learn by now to never say never, but no. Not yet. So here I am. And that's that.
I titled my blog "authenticity" not because I want to get on a soapbox about how we need to all be more authentic, but because it's a journey I am personally going on and one that I actually want to share. I once heard, "Who you are in the dark alone with no one around is who you really are." And if I could remember who said it I would give them credit, because it has stuck with me for years and is changing the very heartbeat of the way I live my life. We have been groomed to smile, perform, serve, tolerate and mind our business, no matter what is almost exploding from within... Who we really are. And where we really are in life. And I want to be me. Regardless. Just me. Because how can God use me if I haven't gotten to that place. That place where you look in the mirror, you really face yourself, and you still want to keep going. That raw place where you're lying on the floor in all your weakness broken before a loving and all-knowing God, and knowing that there's nothing He wouldn't do to still be with you.
Authenticity-- May that be my starting place.