Saturday, August 18, 2012

Breathe!!!

It has been a lonnng time since I have posted. So I'm not sure how many of you will catch this blog since I'm not so consistent, but I thought I would give it a shot. I love to share my thoughts here, but there has been a lot going on and blogging was bumped to the very last thing on the list of things to do. Right now the 2 older girls are resting in their room (fingers crossed), and little Olive is resting in my room (fingers crossed), there is a sink full of dishes that I'm choosing to ignore, and laundry in the washer and dryer that will hopefully get folded sometime this week. So for a few minutes before I attempt to crash because I feel the exhaustion setting in, I wanted to share just a bit. The last 2 months have left me feeling dizzy and kind of "wow, did that just happen?" Over this past year, we knew that God was shifting us. We could just feel the winds of change blowing, more like knocking us down, they were blowing so hard, but we didn't know when and where and how we were going to move.
On May 23rd, Olive was born, our precious gift who has softened our hearts and turned me into more of a chill and patient mom that I could've ever imagined becoming. And a week later we were packing our things in a moving truck to move to Three Rivers, Michigan (there is a McDonald's) to be youth pastors. Alongside those 2 big adjustments, is Olive's beautiful mouth, that needs extra love and care through doctor's visits and surgeries. That's a lot of change in a short amount of time. In times like that, you don't have a lot of time to think, you just hear God and then you do. And later you think. We are in such an amazing place in life. I love where we are. There has been so much confirmation for Jared and for me that we are right where God wants us. I'm almost crying because of how grateful I feel for where God has placed us and what he is doing in us. Anyways...
For those of you that know me, you know that I have always been extensively involved in ministry, dragging my kids behind me. :) I've just always wanted to do everything, which is totally impossible, by the way. And over the last couple of years, God has led me to establish more balance in my life and it has been a very healthy journey. But a tough one too.
Right now, most days I feel like all I do is eat, feed Olive, and referee my other 2 while we all survive this season. But some days I get to do more, like be involved with the services and hang out with the leaders and chat with the students. I kind of feel like it's 2 different worlds trying to collide into what I call my life. And I love every bit of it. I love the days that I don't make it out of pjs and I love the days that my house is such a wreck because all I did was spend time with people. But sometimes I just want to be able to do so much more, with my kids and with the youth. And I catch myself in these, why-can't-i-give-and-do-so-much-more moments. When I catch myself in one of those moments, first I remind myself to breathe, and second I take a look at where I am in my life and what season I'm in. My little spot in life. And I think, ok, my baby is 3 months old, I just moved across the country, my kids are out of school for the summer... and we're alive... and they're smiling... and my husband is smiling... and most of the time I'm smiling... we're good! We're so good!! Sometimes, when we feel like we are not doing enough or that what we are doing doesn't matter, it just might be because we are looking at others in other seasons of life and discouraging ourselves through comparison. And it's just not fair to do that to yourself!! So I just want to take what God is teaching me and encourage you. When you start to get that overwhelmed I'm a loser, what am I doing that's worth anything feeling, just take a breath and let the Holy Spirit take you on a journey of where you are and what you are doing and how it is putting a smile on God's face. And get back up and remain diligent in where he has you. Because life is made up of moments and seasons. So embrace each moment and every season for what is it and what it means right now.
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven..." Ecclesiastes 3.