you are.

"...you is kind, you is smart, you is important."


Today is laundry day. Not because Tuesday is my official laundry day, but because if I don't do laundry today, I will have to dig out a dirty school uniform and spot wash it for my daughter, because there are just none left clean. That's why. I don't have washer and dryer hookups or space to put them in our apartment, as well as the rest of students, staff, and alumni that live on this campus. So, we wash them in at the coin laundry. I am blessed to have one in my complex, so I don't have to go to the laundromat to wash them. But I have before on days that the one in my complex was too packed or when I just wanted to go do them away from campus by myself. There's one really close to where we live so every once in a while I use it. It has tons of washers and dryers, you never have to wait for one, and it has coin machines. That's right, not just one but two. It's awesome. Not the prettiest place you've ever seen, but still. And on days that I forget to get quarters from the bank, I stop in to use those awesome coin machines so I can go wash clothes at home. (Is that wrong?) :)
Today I ran in to get some quarters and ran back out and as I was backing out of the parking lot I stopped and stared at a more than picture worthy moment. Now, if I wasn't so against strangers taking pics of my kids and posting them online for the world to see, I would've gotten a pic of these 2 little girls. But I refrained. Picture with me... There are 2 beautiful little girls around 4 or 5 years old. They have pretty dresses on and bows in their hair. They each have their own special animal they had brought with them. They were sitting on the floor of the laundromat, propped up against a set of washers, and they played while their moms worked. Now I made this laundromat out to sound awesome because of it's convenience, but you've got to know... there is trash everywhere, you've got to watch your purse like a hawk, and there may very well be a drug deal going on around the corner. It's the hood. But please understand that I say this lovingly, because I too live there. It's hood, but it's my hood. :) So, it's kind of gross. And there are these 2 little girls totally oblivious to where they are or how it could affect them. Why? Because they are princesses and they know it. That's who they are. The world around them is not affecting their beauty and their goodness, their beauty and their goodness is affecting the world around them.
A while back I started an Esther study that a friend of mine recommended. I never finished, and I hate to leave things unfinished, so I picked it back up this week. To finish what I started. I couldn't help connecting this scenario to that of Esther. Esther is beautiful, she's the queen, she's the only one that won the king's favor, she's got it going on, etc. etc., but she's surrounded by thugs. Her husband was known to be one of the biggest jerks of that time, and his right hand man Haman was much worse. While I was thinking about Esther I realized something. We always see Esther as the orphan and the nobody first and the queen and the somebody second. But I think we have it backwards. I believe that her character and her identity were decided before she ever stepped foot inside the palace. She was a queen before she was ever crowned. She was a beauty before she ever had beauty treatments. What she inwardly knew about herself was outwardly revealed in time. How else did she get to where she was and win the king's eye, heart, and favor? How else did she make one of the wisest and most important decisions of all time? We often let where we are and what happens to us determine who we are. But God has already told us who we are. Who we are can affect where we are and what happens, if we will allow it. God loves to start with the YOU ARE. He takes people who look like nobodies, he tells them something they don't believe about themselves, and he reveals a masterpiece for all to behold. Noah, Abraham and Sarah, Moses, Ruth, Rahab, Esther, ....... Jesus. Jesus shows up on the scene.
"I am." Huh? What do you mean you are? You are what? Son of a carpenter, dude who doesn't have a home and probably doesn't bathe a lot? Dude who hangs out with tax collectors, drunks, and prostitutes? That's what people saw on the outward, not what was already inwardly determined. He is. And out of him, everything else is. He is, you are.

“I AM the bread of life; he who comes to Me shall not hunger.” John 6:35

“I AM the light of the world; he who follows Me shall not walk in the darkness, but shall have the light of life.” John 8:12

“I AM the gate; if anyone enters through Me, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.” John 10:9

“I AM the good shepherd; the good shepherd lays down His life for His sheep.” John 10:11

“I AM the resurrection and the life; he who believes in Me shall live even if he dies.” John 11:25

“I AM the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but through Me.” John 14:6

"But you are the ones chosen by God, chosen for the high calling of priestly work, chosen to be a holy people, God's instruments to do his work and speak out for him, to tell others of the night-and-day difference he made for you—from nothing to something, from rejected to accepted."
1 Peter 2:9-10 The Message

YOU ARE chosen, YOU ARE lovely, YOU ARE important, YOU ARE redeemed, YOU ARE blessed, YOU ARE healed. YOU ARE. Period.

the needy

I guess I will regretfully refer to this as my monthly blog post. I should post more often, but... yeah. Moving on. I've heard it preached more than once. I've read it more than a few times. I'm sure I've probably communicated it as well. Ideas such as, "Don't come to God only when you need him" or "What kind of relationship would we have with Jesus if we only prayed when we needed something?" And I used to really agree with this, until this morning. It's amazing to go years having a viewpoint for it to be demolished all of a sudden by a gentle nudging that says, "no, no, that's not it." That's been happening to me a lot lately. Sometimes the less you do, the more you realize what God is doing. Sometimes drawing back and quieting your heart will lead you to very close loud truths that cannot be shaken. Once we get past the place where we struggle with God sidelining us or quieting us or making us be still, we can realize why, receive his transformation, and draw closer to him with a deeper appreciation of his character and his love. The loud truth that I cannot shake, the contradiction in my heart to my previous belief of not being needy, is that I need him. All the time. Every day. I have always needed Jesus. And having him does not quench the need but increases it. I will always need him. I was raised in the baptist church so I love hymns and now that I'm older and understand what I'm singing, I'm deeply touched by so many of them. "I need thee every hour most gracious Lord, no tender voice like thine can peace afford." I need him to wake up every day. I need him to see and hear and walk and speak and function and understand. I need him to love and breathe and give and be. I need him to have life and health and purpose and meaning. I need him to parent my children without losing my mind and screaming my head off. I need him to love my spouse and have conversations with him without throwing everything we own in our home. I need him to forgive wrongs, to move past failure, to embrace who I am, to believe him for the impossible. Maybe I've not read enough of my Bible or listened enough in prayer, but I've never heard Jesus say, "Don't by needy" or "really, it's you again? So needy!" Contrary to that, in the Bible and through life circumstances I see Jesus encouraging us to need him. Many times the miracles he performed is because someone really really needy came to him and he healed them and helped them because their faith was great. Why should I not push through a crowd and crawl to his feet just to touch the hem of his robe? Why should I not cut a hole in the roof and let me friend down to see him? Why should I not take my precious life savings and break it at his feet in front of all of the important people and weep because of how much he loves me and how much I need him? Give me a reason why. I can't think of one. The deeper louder truth that is hard for us to swallow, is that we were created to need him. Even those that choose to live "without him" are still taking their breaths because of him. Even when we choose to "do it on our own" he's right their helping, guiding, correcting, protecting, blessing, giving, even when we pat ourselves on the back for "what we did." Thinking that we have to be better before we come to him or that we have anything to offer him that he has not already given to us is simply wrong thinking. We need him. He knows that we need him. He wants us to need him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

celebrate good times

There is a time for everything,
and a season for every activity under the heavens.
Ecclesiastes 3:1

Fall is my favorite season, hands down. I love watching the leaves fall, I love the sound of them rustling on the ground, and I love the crunch of them beneath my feet. I love making pumpkin bread with the kids and eating it in the mornings. And I love the weather. I'm a pretty steady person, not known to do things to the extreme, at all. It's not too hot, it's not too cold, it's just right for Sarah. Being a native Georgian, it's usually not at blazing hot as it is here, so the seasons are a little more defined. But that's not really the case here. It's takes a little while for a season to take effect and then you still keep all seasons of clothing handy just in case. So the first day of fall rolls around and I'm really excited about it. A few days later however, it still feels like mid-July. I was still determined that I was going to celebrate. So I came inside, bumped the air down, lit my salted caramel candle, and made myself a chai tea. And as long as I didn't open the door, it actually felt like the season it was, despite the Texas heat. In every season of life there are things that happen that take us on journeys and sometimes I think we can make the mistake of taking the hardships of a situation and making them what that season of life was all about. I think we all have had really hard seasons of life and I'm not discounting the pain that comes in each season, but if we focus only on the pain we don't leave room to celebrate that season and rejoice in it's gifts. There's going to be heat. Jobs may be lost, homes may be put on the market, diseases may present themselves, a spouse may be unfaithful, we may lose a family member or a friend, mr. right may be taking his sweet time while all your friends are getting married, you may battle depression or lust or insecurity, or you may think the dream in your heart will never come to pass. But those trials don't have to steal entire seasons of life. If you take your single life and fill it with misery because you are not married, you will miss out on the beauty and freedom of that single season. Your kids will only be young for a certain period of time. If you take the time they are young trying to prove your worth by working every chance you can get, you just might miss one of the most beautiful seasons that God sent your way. If you hate your job and only dream of a better day, you will get to the better day and think that you could've made that job a little more enjoyable. If you hate living at home and just can't wait to be out on your own, you will regret not appreciating it more once you have to pay for your own things. Have you ever heard someone say or caught yourself saying, "I just don't know how they are smiling right now with everything going on. How can they be happy in such a bad time?" It's a choice. Rejoicing in the midst of a hard time is not easy. There is no secret ingredient or recipe for happiness, but there is always something to celebrate and something to be thankful for.

All of my life, in every season, you are still God, I have a reason to sing, I have a reason to worship.

With that being said, below is a recipe I use for a pumpkin pie dip. It's divine and it will be sure to help you celebrate this beautiful season, whether it's 62 or 92 degrees outside. ;)

PUMPKIN PIE DIP

Ingredients

• 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened
• 2 cups powdered sugar
• 1 (15-ounce) can pumpkin pie filling
• 1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger

Preparation

• Beat cream cheese and sugar at medium speed with an electric mixer until smooth. Add pie filling, 1 teaspoon cinnamon, and ginger, beating well. Cover and chill 8 hours (if you have that kind of time. It's still good if you don't.) Serve with your favorite yummy cookie, like gingersnaps or graham crackers. I carve out a small pumpkin and pour the dip in it so it looks cute. Super easy, super yummy.
  

i think we're alone now

Going through a personal journey is just that. Personal. Whether it's healing, courage, purity, forgiveness, trust, or any of the other of the millions of things God is trying to work in us in this lifetime, there's a point where we feel alone. There are family members and friends and pastors and co-workers, some of them cheering and encouraging and holding our hand through whatever we face, but the road turns and curves and weaves and it's just us... and Him. That's it. No one can walk through what I need to walk through. I can try to call out for help from someone else, I can talk to a friend and gain perspective, I can get counseled and receive wisdom on the situation, but at the end of the day it's just me... and Him. When I get to that point, I call out to an ear that will understand, but it's like the words bounce off an invisible wall right back to me. If you have ever faced anything that seemed impossible, you know the place I'm referring to. Once we step into that place where no one can understand and no one can really help, we have no other choice than to cling to Him. The first place we should turn ends up being the last sometimes. So we find ourselves in positions that give us no other choice but the one we should've made at the very beginning. There's no turning back. There's no escape route. There's no self-help book, music, movie, candy bar, relaxation technique, outlet that can provide what we need to continue. It's simply me... and Him. Simply you... and Him. His hand will guide you and his right hand will hold you fast.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.
--Ps 139:7-10

nobody puts Baby in a corner

My 3 year old is very outwardly expressive. If she's happy, she's shouting "Hooray, hooray!" If she's upset, she's crying, loudly. If she has an emotion or an opinion about something, you are going to know about it. Sometimes when she is being too "expressive" for me, I tell her to go sit on her bed until she can calm down. She cries... loudly... and reluctantly goes to her room. And then she does this thing. She says "Mommy, I done." But she doesn't say it once, she says it over and over and over until she gets my attention. When she succeeds, I then say, "You're not done until I say you are done. Stay here until Mommy tells you to come out." That is followed by a loud cry and reluctant obedience. After a few minutes, she's fine and we have a talk and she's back to being Happy Rhema.

One day when this was happening, the Holy Spirit started speaking to me about seasons. There are reasons why we are where we are. There are reasons why things happen when and how they happen. And when we go through "time-out" seasons, our true nature shines through. Time-out seasons are those times when you think you should be doing something great and it doesn't look like it, or when you know you blew it, or when you should be really happy with your life but for some reason you're not. It's when you thought God would do one thing and he's doing something else. It's in a tough time that I find out who I am. It comes right out. When you get squeezed, something's coming out, that's for sure, and it's not always pretty, and we shouldn't always expect it to be. The point is not doing things just right, always keeping a smile on our face and every hair in place. Sometimes the point is to just make it out alive. Sometimes the point is to have a testimony to help someone else make it through something similar. Sometimes God uses those seasons to prepare us for something we are not ready to face. Sometimes we have no clue of what's going on and we come out with an odd look and an "I got nothin."

The importance is not that we know what's going on and why we are in a certain season but that we know that God does and we trust him to know what he's doing. I need my kids to trust me. If I tell them to sit this one out, I need them to do it, even if they don't understand. Sometimes when God says, "Sarah, sit this one out," I ask questions and I try to reason with him and I read old journal entries trying to look for clues as to what he's doing and why I'm on the sideline of a situation. Basically, I'm telling him, "God, I done." Really I think he just wants me to say ok and obey. No matter what I think, he's doing something even when it looks like he's not and when I protest, I'm only getting in the way of his divine plan. Whatever he asks of us, it's only out of his deep love for us, and that's an immense comfort.

"We humans keep brainstorming options and plans, but God's purpose prevails."
Prov 19:21 The Message

Give to Give

My husband has gotten very interested in investments lately. I'm really excited about that, mainly because I have no desire to follow companies and look at prices of shares in my spare time, and I'm glad that he will be the one doing it. But I'm also excited about it because of the possibility of a good return. I know almost nothing about buying stock in companies, but I do know that when the stock prices drop, like they have in the last week (that's a whole different topic...), it's a good time to research companies and buy stock, with the educated guess that the price will go back up in time and you will sell and get a good return. If you invest in something that is good, you will get a good return. And when you invest in something that's not good, you won't get a return and you will lose money. I think that we can tend to look at investments in people the same way. Make a good investment, you will get a good return. Give to something and it will give back to you. We will see the return and use it as we please. But when we are living by the Spirit, it's different.

Galatians 6:7-10 says, "Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to ALL, especially those who are of the household of faith."

We know that if we invest in our flesh we will get corruption in return. And we know that if we invest in things of the Spirit we receive life forever. And we know that we reap what we sow. BUT we don't know when, where, and how exactly all that happens. When we are sowing things in the Spirit, our reward is everlasting. We don't know whether we will see the reward for investments we make in this life or in eternity. We have been trained to think that if we give into someone or something that the same someone or something should be giving us something in return. Don't we?? I was talking to a friend not too long ago, and she said that she wants to be in a place where she gives of her time, effort and heart to others not expecting anything in return from those people. I am so thankful that she was real about that, because I want to be in that place too. It's so easy to get caught up in the "I'll scratch your back if you scratch mine" mentality. Then we get upset when we scratch someone's back and they are unable or unwilling to scratch ours. That is an earthly mentality, not a heavenly one. That same person may take what you've invested into them and sow it into someone else, furthering the kingdom and helping the body of Christ. We should all help each other out and it's good to return a favor when you can. But if we will switch our perspective and realize that we are sowing into the kingdom of God and into eternity rather than sowing into a certain someone or something, we are more likely to keep investing in people even after a bad return, enjoy our investment and to use whatever return we may get on earth to further the kingdom of God.

Meet Wanda

On Tuesday we met Wanda on the metro in Madrid. We were tired and on a time crunch. Isn't that the way it always happens? God is about to blow our minds and have us operate out of our weakness, just for kicks I think. So here we are... and Wanda is really struggling trying to get directions from someone who speaks only Spanish, and she speaks only English. So she asks if we speak English and we say yes and that our friend is really good with the metro system. Erica begins helping her understand the metro and where she is going and she begins to tell us how she was supposed to meet her sister but couldn't find her. And then she mentions her husband, but in the past tense and very randomly thrown into conversation. So I ask about him. A few years ago I began to realize that people are more likely to answer personal questions than we are to ask them. So I started asking personal questions. And to this day I have never had someone tell me that it's none of my business... not that I can remember anyways... I usually get answers, really good answers. As Wanda answered my question, I began to see that God was up to something. Wanda and her husband had planned their trip to Spain together. They were supposed to be there together, but recently Wanda's husband of 20 years decided he couldn't be married to her anymore, and he left her. And here was Wanda, in her 50's, on a metro in Madrid by herself. We helped her with directions and we prayed with her before we parted ways. She was a Christian, but in desperate need of encouragement, so we became that for her. And I learned some things from Wanda:
-We don't find our value or identity in our job, our friends, our kids, or even our spouse, but in Christ alone. He is the only one that can give us our true identity and life's purpose.
-Life doesn't stop when something bad happens. There is always a reason to continue. Wanda was telling us that she works with special needs kids in the states and that she might come back to Spain to live and teach if there is a program like that. She could've stopped her life and focused on her problem, but instead she chose to focus on the fact that God had a promise for her, still.
-With God's strength we can push through even our greatest disappointment. I believe that God sent Wanda into our lives because he loves her, deeply, and she needs his help. And he wanted to use us to help her and use her to help us learn those life lessons that are so easily forgotten.
So, praying big buff angels around her and that she has the time of her life... go, Wanda, go.