the needy

I guess I will regretfully refer to this as my monthly blog post. I should post more often, but... yeah. Moving on. I've heard it preached more than once. I've read it more than a few times. I'm sure I've probably communicated it as well. Ideas such as, "Don't come to God only when you need him" or "What kind of relationship would we have with Jesus if we only prayed when we needed something?" And I used to really agree with this, until this morning. It's amazing to go years having a viewpoint for it to be demolished all of a sudden by a gentle nudging that says, "no, no, that's not it." That's been happening to me a lot lately. Sometimes the less you do, the more you realize what God is doing. Sometimes drawing back and quieting your heart will lead you to very close loud truths that cannot be shaken. Once we get past the place where we struggle with God sidelining us or quieting us or making us be still, we can realize why, receive his transformation, and draw closer to him with a deeper appreciation of his character and his love. The loud truth that I cannot shake, the contradiction in my heart to my previous belief of not being needy, is that I need him. All the time. Every day. I have always needed Jesus. And having him does not quench the need but increases it. I will always need him. I was raised in the baptist church so I love hymns and now that I'm older and understand what I'm singing, I'm deeply touched by so many of them. "I need thee every hour most gracious Lord, no tender voice like thine can peace afford." I need him to wake up every day. I need him to see and hear and walk and speak and function and understand. I need him to love and breathe and give and be. I need him to have life and health and purpose and meaning. I need him to parent my children without losing my mind and screaming my head off. I need him to love my spouse and have conversations with him without throwing everything we own in our home. I need him to forgive wrongs, to move past failure, to embrace who I am, to believe him for the impossible. Maybe I've not read enough of my Bible or listened enough in prayer, but I've never heard Jesus say, "Don't by needy" or "really, it's you again? So needy!" Contrary to that, in the Bible and through life circumstances I see Jesus encouraging us to need him. Many times the miracles he performed is because someone really really needy came to him and he healed them and helped them because their faith was great. Why should I not push through a crowd and crawl to his feet just to touch the hem of his robe? Why should I not cut a hole in the roof and let me friend down to see him? Why should I not take my precious life savings and break it at his feet in front of all of the important people and weep because of how much he loves me and how much I need him? Give me a reason why. I can't think of one. The deeper louder truth that is hard for us to swallow, is that we were created to need him. Even those that choose to live "without him" are still taking their breaths because of him. Even when we choose to "do it on our own" he's right their helping, guiding, correcting, protecting, blessing, giving, even when we pat ourselves on the back for "what we did." Thinking that we have to be better before we come to him or that we have anything to offer him that he has not already given to us is simply wrong thinking. We need him. He knows that we need him. He wants us to need him.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28